As I sit on my couch, one baby in my arms nursing, the other sleeping sweetly and silently in the carriage from our morning stroll, I quietly contemplate my current status. Mom.
How did I get here? When did my path change? Was this always what was planned for my future? Is there such thing as “destiny?”
I will never know. And truthfully it doesn’t matter much. What matters is in 20 Days, my status changes and I return to Professional Mom.
Is that who I am? I know I’m not the mom who can come up with educational activities all day to help develop and occupy my kids. And if I read It’s Potty Time for Fucking Elmo one more time, I’ll lose my shit.
So yeah. Professional is the only other role available. Right?
Our journey began soon after marriage, and many years into my career. We banked 5 embryos. Transferred 2 and 9 months later our beautiful daughter was born. One year later, without much life planning, budget reviewing or forward thinking, we transferred 2 more untested embryos – because we weren’t quite done yet. 8 months later our incredible twins (still can’t quite believe that one) were here.
Now, during my last days of my final maternity leave I have a lot to think about. What does our life look like now? How will we juggle it? What are our priorities? How do Nathan and I put each other first, still, sometimes, ever?
Nathan’s an artist, passionate, creative. Who am I? What am I?
I’ve been sitting on an important document. One that I absolutely will sign. Must sign. Need to sign.
We have one embryo left.
Our family is complete. We know this embryo needs to go to science – to help the fertility world learn more. I’ve had this document since September…We are 100% sure our family is done and this right (for us). Probably.
My days on this couch are numbered. And this ride has been an unexpectedly miraculous and marvelous one.
I guess the question is. What’s next?