This Guy

If you see this guy, be sure to stop him and give him a high five. He’s 40 today. And absolutely deserves to be celebrated.

This man, is a wonderful man. But more importantly he is a wonderful father. He does more than his fair share of, well, everything. He is a kind and generous person. He’s quiet and thoughtful. Loving and giving. And I absolutely, without question, know I landed one of the good ones.

He’ll likely shy away from the attention – because he prefers to stay under the radar. But today we should all pat him on the back.

I adore you Nathan and thank you for everything that you are – and everything you do for our family. We absolutely could not function without you, not just anyone, but you. You are the glue to our lives, the epicenter of our world.

I didn’t know you before you were 35, but I can – with pretty strong conviction – say this is not where you thought you’d be five years later.

Maybe you thought you’d be on tour. Perhaps in gallery with late night showings of your incredible art. And I’m sure there are days, probably more nights – where you have visions of that life. All I can say is, thank god this road led me to you – and we are living a different dream.

I can only hope I fulfill in you – what you fulfill in me.

Happy Birthday, you should be celebrated all days, but for now – we’ll start with today. See you tonight, we’ll celebrate by arguing over what to order for dinner – and then with lots of poop.

I love you ‘soooooooooooooo much’. 😜😘

3 Years. 3 Lifetimes.

Today marks three years (yes! only three, we’ve been busy) married to my best friend.

It’s incredible what life has thrown our way, and how we’ve rolled with it, together.

There never has been, nor will there ever be someone to whom I am more compatible. I am outrageously lucky to have found someone so patient, so kind, so thoughtful, so giving.

We have been together virtually every moment of the last 6weeks – and there is literally no other human on this planet I could spend that much time with.

Our life, family and hearts could not be more full. I won’t pretend that our late night feeds haven’t led to snipping. Or that my inability to cook or clean hasn’t led to a tiff at times.

Thank you Nathan, for the best years of my life. I can’t fathom what’s to come. But based on these last three years, I know our partnership will last a lifetime – and that we can overcome anything together. Even a trip to Brooklyn, on the subway with three babies after a month of not sleeping.

You have my heart, my soul; I owe you everything.

My body, my choice

Today was too beautiful a day to be a slave to the eating and sleeping schedule of newborn twins. So Nathan and I ventured out. We walked west. Found a park, sat down – I nursed both babes and we headed to the Highline.

We had a lovely walk in our wonderful city and ended up having a late lunch at Shake Shack where I nursed one of the babies again (still aiming to follow a schedule 😂)

On our walk home Marley woke up from a nap, and doing what any good mother would do, I picked her up to feed her. Never have I questioned when or where I should nourish any of my children – in whatever way they need to be satiated in the moment.

Passing 3rd avenue, Nathan pushing the stroller we both hear a guy say “tell your woman to put some clothes on, sheesh.”

Wait. What. He couldn’t possibly be talking to us. To my husband.

He was.

So much anger bubbled up in me – because this was so disgusting on so many levels – but for the safety of the babies, we just kept walking and just looked at each other. So I stayed silent – allowing a man I don’t even know – to determine how I should be treated.

I count myself among the lucky who live in NYC where acceptance and openness are the norm. But on the tail end of the “me too” campaign – this brings to light a different type of harassment.

I was appalled by his reaction. I was disgusted by his words – to my husband – about me, an object?

I am grateful – and I guess lucky – that this was the first time I encountered such a scenario – and am so sad for the other women who face this type of harassment – or don’t feed their babies because of the fear.

I don’t know that I have a point here. I just think while we’re talking about what women are expected to endure – we should also be reminded of how empowered we should be. We get to nourish our babies – and give life to the next generation.

So hey, guy on 3rd avenue and 22nd Street. Fuck you. I’m going to keep doing me. And you better not find me again when I’m sans babies because I have a few choice words for you.

Oh, My Birthday?

Trying to put feelings into words, sometimes, is a feat impossible to master. The blessings I have encountered in recent history are far too many to recount. Perfection is unattainable and unrealistic – but if there’s something close, I truly think I’ve found it. Life has a funny way of running you ragged right up until everything makes sense. My world was completed this week and yesterday, on my birthday I wished for nothing else, for me.

I do wish for healing in this world, globally and locally. I do wish for people, and governments, to be kinder. I do wish for good things, peace and love and happiness for all who strive for it – and for all the animals, of course, the animals. (And ok, maybe I wish for a tad more sleep and money).

Thank you for the incredible outpouring of love and support – there seems to just be something about twins 🙂

While I wait for the surge of hormones to hit me, which it will for better or for worse – I’ll be right here. Wrapped up tightly with those I hold closest. Forgive me if I take a moment to respond – I’m trying to breathe it all in so deeply that these moments stay with me, in the core of my being, for my eternity.

Thank you ❤️ Happy Birth Day, Indeed.

What A Long Strange Trip It’s Been

Today Harper turns 20 months (and finally in size 4 diapers!) Today I turn 35 weeks pregnant. This past weekend I had the downtime I have yet to give myself in these last 9 months. I had time to really appreciate how incredibly lucky I have been to have the most wonderful little girl and perfect little family. And then the emotions came pouring over me like a tidal wave.

Why are we changing this special life? How will Harper ever get the same kind of love she’s used to? Did we make the wrong decision? How will we possibly make this work? Is it all a mistake? No way I can love these two the way I love MHP. There were some tears. (And probably some hormones.) The weather didn’t help. But at the end of it all what I realized is – this is all part of this crazy, wild ride we’re on called: life. No, it is not going to be easy at the beginning, even if the newborn photos look idyllic because, swoon: twins!

Yes, we are rocking the boat and adding so much more to our already full lives. But I never thought I wanted a child in the first place. And Harper changed my entire perspective on life and love. What’s to come is unknown. But what’s certain and true is that we are about to be blessed with the most incredible gift(s) in the world. We have each other, our family, our friends – and this long strange trip we’re all on is about to get even stranger. There will be ups. There will be downs. There will be struggles and there will be laughs and smiles beyond our wildest expectations. Life has a funny way of working out – maybe not the way we planned – but falling into place nonetheless. Thank you for your friendship, your support (your humoring my verbose brain dumps on social media.)

Life is about to get fucking crazy.

And. We. Are. Ready. (No we’re not, but is anyone truly? Ever?)

Bring it, babies.